Today, this Blogger/Podcaster/Motivational Speaker wakes up very solemn. The Journey, my new stream of podcasts and blogs is about taking you with me and experiencing some of my life’s difficulties. I know that as a therapist by sharing there will be many listeners and readers that can relate to my struggles. In the end The Journey, is to recognize that life has its challenges and sometimes these challenges can take over our own personal worlds.
Sadly, I have experienced another traumatic experience. It is called PTSD. PTSD stands for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. My PTSD in the past was shared with a very small group of people in the United States. Today, I must break the news to all of you that it is no longer a small group that shares this Trauma. The Trauma and devastation is coming to a town near you in the future or maybe even today or tomorrow. I am not trying to be dramatic here. I am only stating what has become extremely apparent as the facts.
I woke up four years ago on February 14th to an argument with my younger daughter. My daughter did not want to go to school and she used what I thought was an excuse that her stomach hurt. This was not an uncommon occurrence for her since she had started Middle School. School became a very stressful environment for her. She asked to stay home because of her stomach and we had an argument. Ultimately, I gave in to her request. My caving in to her excuse was the BEST decision that I could have made that particular day. You see as I was watching television the news broke in that there was a mass shooting at a High School in Florida. My friend called and I didn’t answer. I watched the news with what I would assume was a puzzled look on my face. The news footage looked very familiar to me. The school they were showing looked a lot like the school my oldest daughter graduated from. Things started to feel familiar and I realized it was the school she graduated from. The same campus my younger daughter’s Middle School was next to. I yelled to my daughter text your friends at your school to make sure they are safe. My daughter asked “Why?” and I had to say the news is reporting that there is a shooter at MSD.(Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School). I then realized why my friend had called me. I returned her call and all I could hear was her running, breathing heavy and saying tell your daughter to run from school to my house. I was able to say with great relief that she stayed home today. My friend hung up and I began to reach out to all of my friends to see if their kids were safe. I could tell you some of what I remember that day because a lot of it is buried in my brain somewhere protecting me. One vivid memory is one of my closest friends daughter texting her mom and sending a video of what was going on in her classroom. My poor friend was terrified that her daughter was never going to come home again. Her daughter was hiding behind a file cabinet with bullets flying past her. The video she sent which I saw can never be erased from my brain. There were classmates of hers that were dying on the floor in a pool of blood in a safe place which was their school. Our prayers were answered and she did return home that night physically unharmed but not mentally. I reached out to friends who’s kids were hiding in closets and eventually escorted out by SWAT teams with their arms raised up over their heads. The SWAT team told the children not to look toward the right. What do kids do when you tell them not to look? They look, only to see the body of one of the school coaches lying on the ground. I truly could tell you story after story of the trauma so many of these kids and teachers experienced. That point changed my life and perceptions of life forever. What took place after that was watching the news 24/7, calling friends and waiting for the news to announce the names of who didn’t survive. Helicopters, so many helicopters I remember hearing above and to this day when I hear a helicopter February 14th comes rushing back. The vigils, the funerals, the flowers, the memorials and the Marches began. Marching for our kids lives. I even went with my daughter, husband and friends and we marched on Washington to get the attention of our government. Unfortunately, shootings have continued at grocery stores, schools, religious facilities and many other public places.
March 24th 2022 was just like any other day in America. Alerts on my phone say there has been a mass shooting at an Elementary School in Uvalde, Texas. The nightmare never stops!!!!!!!! It is not my story to tell but I know what the families are going through and the town. The safest place in the country for your children should be school but not in America.
I know that this blog may seem like it doesn’t belong on Wide Open Spaces with Ilise. The facts are this blog is so appropriate for this page. Mass shootings are happening in a town near you and the trauma is real. I will never compare myself to the families who have lost loved ones to gun violence. I can only express how gun violence has affected me and my family and a town. A town that is in the USA the land of the free and the brave. This Country has become unsafe for our most precious children. I watch the Journalist covering the shooting and they are crying on live television because this is tragic for everyone. Having empathy for the families who’s loved ones were murdered.
PTSD comes in many forms and from so many different traumas. It can be just a small moment that can set your PTSD off or something major. I know that many of my readers and listeners suffer from PTSD. I hope that you have seen a professional to help you cope with the trauma. What I learned is that this country is doing nothing to protect our children and this trauma will continue to resurface when the next mass school shooting comes to a town near you. I will reiterate this is not about being dramatic. This is about facts in today’s society and world. Our trauma no matter what it is can be triggered in a snap of the finger. If you are someone who suffers from PTSD and you haven’t met with a professional as of yet please do so. Mass School Shootings are a part of My Journey. I have acquired many coping skills to utilize in my tool box just for these moments when the news comes on and I see another Journalist crying over the loss of innocent children.
My goal for this piece is number one to make you realize how close gun violence can be to all of us. I believe that even if one reader is affected by my writing “My Journey” to initiate change then my goal for this piece is accomplished.
My other goal is for those of us who suffer from forms of PTSD that you are not alone. Seek out support systems, therapy and have coping skills that you can utilize immediately. Coping Skills that can get you through that second or moment. Long term you will need to acquire a repertoire of coping skills when your PTSD services. I am exhibiting one of my coping skills as you read this. Journaling or writing down about your stressors, your story, your fears and your trauma can be very therapeutic. In my case it is very therapeutic and I feel like I am in some small way showing just one person the need for increased gun safety in our children’s schools. We must protect our babies so that no other family has to wait around for their child’s body to be identified.
I will not say My Thoughts and Prayers go out to Uvalde, Texas because those words are Garbage. I will let my voice be heard and I will continue to promote gun safety, school safety, gun reform and through my podcast and blog hopefully help others who are experiencing this massive trauma.
#Enough #NeverAgain #SchoolSafety
CIAO
Ilise
