Empty is a word that elicits a certain kind of feeling for each of us. Miriam-Websters definition for elicit is (to draw out something hidden, latent or reserved.) Miriam-Websters definition for Empty is (vacant, blank, void or lacking contents which could or should be present.) When I refer to the Empty Nest I am referring to a void or lack of contents in your life. An Empty Nester technically is someone who’s children have all left home as adults for college, work or moving out of your home. As parents we all work towards the Empty Nester phase of life because our duty is to raise our children to be functioning adults on their own. So great, let’s say you do your job well and now there are no more children at home. What happens to the home and you when you are left behind to continue on with your own life?
The reality is, it’s truly an individual response. You may have had a home full of kids and now you hear the silence. Maybe, you only had one child and the shock of the emptiness is very overwhelming. It comes down to the fact that, The Nest is Empty. Your chicks have flown off to create their own future. So you ask yourself the question, What’s next for me? You might be similar to myself and have created a plan to battle the emptiness. All the planning is great but I have learned it does not change the ache I feel in my heart when I look down the hallway where my child’s room is. I become completely aware that she is miles away and not snug safely in her bed under my roof. Nothing can prepare you for that feeling. This is not my only child so I am fully aware that over time things do get easier. A smile will come to my face instead of a tear when I look at her room in the future.
I know that doesn’t make the emptiness any easier in the here and now. So what is a parent to do? I know what I would tell my client to do as a therapist. I need to personalize it to my own individual needs. Yes, this means you have to sit down with yourself to identify what your needs are and the best way to cope with the emptiness. The down time in your life is when it will hit you the most. How are you going to cope with the stress and sadness?
Parents want the best for their children and when they go to college, travel abroad or move they are in a phase of reinventing themselves. Moving into the baby stages of their adult life. Talking to many teenagers who are about to go to college most of them express this excitement of starting fresh and reinventing themselves away from High School. There is a sparkle in their eyes and a sense of adventure waiting for them. The question I pose to you as the parent is ,” Why can’t this be a time for you to reinvent yourself as well?” I don’t like when people refer to the Empty Nester as the next stage of your life. It almost makes it sound like an end or punishment. I like to break phases of life into new Chapters or categorizing this time as a new exploration of life. If the kids are excited for the new adventure, then I feel that the Empty Nester should be able to express this excitement as well. Try to be delicate when expressing this excitement. we wouldn’t want our kids to think we might be a little excited about our new adventures. The flip side of that is, we are teaching our children that we are individuals and we have our own desires and goals that we want to accomplish.
This is the hard part, how do you even start this new reinvention of yourself? I know that this can be a stumbling block for many. But is it really? I can guarantee that there were many times from the moment your children were born that you have thought or said, “I wish I could do that now but I can’t. I have no time, running the kids around, financially I can’t, I have nobody to watch my kids, I can’t go away from my kids for that long and so on. Guess what, those reasons no longer exist if you are an Empty Nester. This is exactly your starting point. Reminisce back to all of those wants, desires, experiences, hobbies, travels or job explorations that you have thought about over the years. The time is now for you to be a little selfish and focus on you. If you have a significant other I am sure there were many things that were put on the back burner over the years that the two of you wanted to accomplish. Now is THE TIME OF YOU! Gosh, I really love the way that this sounds!
Are you ready to focus on yourself? This doesn’t mean that you won’t miss your kids and surely doesn’t mean that you still won’t shed tears about missing them in your home. We always need to be realistic in our endeavors. I want you to start to feel excited and motivated to focus on yourself. Imagine all of the possibilities that are awaiting you. If you are finding that you are letting your emotions get in your way, I can understand that. Emotions can be very powerful and I think you should always let yourself feel. I am encouraging you to not let these feelings become a wall in front of you that is hard to break through or you become paralyzed in your emotions.
First start with taking some quiet time to yourself and just sit with yourself. Think back and identify things you have always wanted to try or become involved in. Think about making big changes in your life and daily routines. Make a list for yourself titled “The Reinvention of Me.” Take your time with your list and identify everything and anything you have always wanted to try or to become involved in. This becomes your concrete dreams and realties that you can now explore. Some may take time and some changes can happen immediately. Keep an open mind and remember you are just as important as your children, significant others and pets are. Pamper and nurture yourself during this transitional stage of your life. I can guarantee that there will be moments of ups and downs. You will get through it by creating a plan for your own personal needs. Empty Nesters, you are not Empty, you are about to fill your cup with new and exciting adventures of your own. Go to my Instagram and please share with me some of the ways that you plan on reinventing yourself. Stay tuned to my blog and podcast for my new and exciting ways that I will be reinventing myself and creating a new reality for me. I hope that my experiences will motivate you to become the individual that you have put on the back burner for years. Empty Nesters let’s do this! I am sure you will look back in a year from now and be proud of your transformation.
POSITIVE THOUGHTS ALWAYS CREATE POSITIVE ENERGY
GO OUT AND EXPLORE THE WIDE OPEN SPACES IN YOUR WORLD
CIAO
Ilise
Instagram WideOpenSpaceswithIlise
