Empty Nesters for those who are not aware are parents who’s children have all moved out of the home for work, college, technical school and even marriage. Syndrome is a group of feelings that occur together based on a common issue. Empty Nesters Syndrome is a group of emotional feelings that occur when a parents home becomes empty and all of their children have moved out into adulthood. I am in the midst of being an Empty Nester for the first time. I have been deep in researching this topic so that I can help myself and intern be helpful to others.
Empty Nesters Syndrome is not a clinical diagnosis. However, Empty Nesters do experience psychological symptoms. These experiences are clumped together as depression, stress, anxiety, loneliness, feelings of unimportance, loss of purpose and worry. Many parents feel rejected by their kids because they no longer want their parents help, opinions or input. Let’s not forget the echo that you feel in your home because their rooms are empty and the dinner table is now too big. If you can envision this then you understand the picture I am trying to paint.
Where does an Empty Nester begin to revaluate and create a new picture of what their lives will look like? For some, Empty Nesters Syndrome will last for the first few months; however, for some it could last up to a year. I know a year sounds like a very long time but I think it comes down to how you incorporate the healthy coping skills into your life. Like most life altering changes, it sounds easier then it really is. Life changes must all start with that first step. I always like to start with small accomplishments, so then I feel successful.
Identify which of the symptoms of the Syndrome that are the hardest for you to cope with. I know for me it was worrying that my child would make friends and not to feel lonely. I struggled with trying to give her advice on how to be more social. I observed a pattern that every time I started the conversation with her, she became annoyed with me and very defensive. I understand she is an adult and she wants to navigate this on her own terms. As a parent losing that sense of control over you child is very difficult. We no longer are the conductors of their lives, they now are at the helm of their own ship. As parents we have to learn how to let go and allow them to steer their own path. Even if this path is full of many ups and downs for them. They must learn by trial and error. This is where as a parent you must come to terms that you are no longer that person for them. Ugh, but this is definitely not easy.
What ways are you struggling with Empty Nesters Syndrome? The way I started to cope with the fact that she didn’t want my opinion about her social life, was by not asking her unless she brings up the topic. I feel if she brings up the issue, then if opens the door for me. However, I must maintain my boundaries with her and be more of a listener then giving her my opinions. This seems to be working so far. Fingers crossed for me. Let’s focus on some of the areas that you might be struggling with. Worrying about their safety is a big one. We no longer can put our arms around them to protect them. They will be out late at parties, walking places at night, being alone, taking care of themselves and we will worry about them making good choices. This can cause a parent a lot of stress and anxiety. How can you begin to cope with this symptom?
1. I would recommend you reaching out to a friend or family member to vent to and express your fears with them.
2. Improve your social life
3. Make plans to visit your child (this will give you the opportunity to see how well they are doing.)
4. Gain some new hobbies
5. Plan your week out by making sure that you incorporate things to keep your mind busy to decrease your anxiety and worry
6. If you are upset with your child be open and honest about your feelings.(it is important that they understand that this is new for you as well and ask for a little grace and time.)
7. If you continue to struggle, seek Professional assistance with your struggles.
8. This may be difficult to hear but get to know yourself better.
9. Routines in your life can be your best friend during this transition of life.
10. Plan some self-care outings for yourself.
11. Spend more time with your significant other.
Empty Nesters also face a new realization with their significant others or spouses. You now have a lot of free time to just stare at each other. It is imperative that you focus on your relationships at this stage of your life. Most Empty Nesters are in their 40’s and 50’s. In their relationships the kids have always been the first priority. The house is emptier and you now have time to work on getting to know your significant other in a different light. You are both going through this transition but statistically the mother struggles more because she tends to be the main conductor of the children’s lives. Now don’t get mad at me gentleman. I know many of you dad’s out there do just as much as the moms. I am just stating statistically. In this stage of life we also see many divorces happen. If you don’t put the work in to create a sense of closeness with your significant other, your relationship will begin to slip away from you. This is where divorce and breakups happen. However, there has been a recent trend of relationships becoming stronger after the Nest is Empty. I believe we can thank Covid for this. The majority of us were stuck at home and have learned to create a healthy environment at home with our spouses or partners.
Let me share some ways that I have been coping. I realize that my life was consumed with my kids self-care. I am making a conscious effort to take care of myself. I got a resort day pass at a local hotel on the beach. I got a massage and the spa had a sauna, steam room, salt room and a serenity quiet area. I was then able to walk down to the beach and feel the sand between my toes and hear the waves crashing on the shore. The day lasted eight hours and I literally felt like I was on vacation and I was able to focus on myself decreasing my anxiety levels. To cope I began to document my feelings so that I can gain insight into why my child makes me feel certain ways. I have been spending time with my friends who are new Empty Nesters as well. The camaraderie and support that I am not alone is worth everything.
Empty Nesters Syndrome is a struggle and a challenge. As parents we must move through it and conquer our struggles as we are faced with them. It take work to create a new version of your life. I guarantee if you follow your gut and incorporate some of the coping mechanisms listed above you will be on the road to recovery of becoming an Empty Nester. Who knows you might even begin to love this new stage of your life.
POSITIVE THOUGHTS CREATE POSITIVE ENERGY
GO OUT AND EXPLORE ALL OF THE WIDE OPEN SPACES IN YOUR WORLD
CIAO
ILISE
